I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
