Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
