just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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