Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
