How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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