i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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