I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
