whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
