a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
