he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
