you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The adults are the big ones right?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
