Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
