When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
