its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
