i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
