I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
