I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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