Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
