I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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