Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
