Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
