he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
