mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
