So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
