There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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