I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize