i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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