my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
