So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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