just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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