I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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