just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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