apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
