you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
