the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
