i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
