I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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