So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
