it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
