Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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