that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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