idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
