Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
