6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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