I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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