Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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