My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
