i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We have so much sex to catch up on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
