i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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