I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize