I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
