I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
