I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
