My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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