Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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