Please, let me fuck your mom
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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