3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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