you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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