I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
smell my finger.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As shirtless as possible
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
