I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
