Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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