I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
