If i come over, it means nothing
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
