My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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