go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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